Approaching the 20 week scan of our 1st child, my Husband and I had multiple chats, disagreeing about finding out the sex of the baby! He wanted a surprise but I desperately wanted to know. So as we go in we were greeted by 2 sonographers, one of which asks the famous question... "do you want to know the sex?" I frantically nodded my head and my husband says no! We are informed if we are in disagreement they cant tell us. Fucking fuming, I'm the one that has to push another human being out of my vajayjay, surely my choice takes priority? Dan had to leave to the room to go and pay for the tickets to purchase pictures, at which point sonographer number 2 whispers "you're having a boy"
We're having a BOY!!!!!!!!! I can barely contain my excitement when Dan comes back in the room, but I wanted to keep it a secret to respect his choice too. So started a very long slog of trying to keep this massive secret! It lasted an impressive 12 weeks! Now come on credit where credit is due I think keeping that a secret for 12 weeks was beyond impressive.
I bought a few boy bits, but not in excess. It was on a date night for Valentine's day that the deed was done. We were talking about my hospital bag and Dan said we need to get some neutral clothes to put in the hospital bag don't we? To which I nonchalantly answer " I was just going to put some of the blue clothes I bought at the bottom of the bag!" His face dropped in disappointment, that I had let it slip, with a slight hint of joy that he was going to have a son.
We had a further 2 scans confirming we were having a boy. The last scan didn't need a trained professional to tell me we were having a boy because that boy had a huge set of balls on him! There was no doubting we were having a boy!
My due date was the 25th April and at 00.00am, so literally smack on my due date I had my show and lost half my waters! Excellent time keeping skills baby! However the morning of the 27th and there was still no baby in my arms. By this point I was EXHAUSTED and nobody believed me when I said I needed a massive shit, and I was becoming increasingly frustrated when they kept telling me it "was just the baby moving down the canal". I'm sure you're right Jackie and I'm sure I should probably have a little more trust in the qualified professional just trying her best to look after me. But at this point if they hadn't of let me go to the toilet I was pretty sure I was going to shit the bed there and then!
So off I trot with portable gas and air in tow to the toilet, mumbling to myself, "if I need a shit, I'm going to go for a fucking shit!" Long story short, I indeed did not have a bowel movement. Jackie was right. Damn Jackie!
As labour progressed, an epidural was recommended. Because I had been in slow labour for so long and had had very little sleep, they advised an epidural would be beneficial to allow me to rest in preparation to push the baby out! At this point I was so tired and couldn't tolerate the pain any longer I sleepily agreed. To which my husband from across the room declined on my behalf.
Throughout my pregnancy I told my Husband I DO NOT WANT AN EPIDURAL! I told him no matter how much I beg or scream for an epidural YOU DO NOT let them come anywhere near my spine with a needle DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! He understood, and the one time he actually fucking listens to me and etches that shit on his brain is the one time I really wish he had just forgotten!
My mum had stepped out at this point and he told the anaesthetist, nope she told me not to consent to an epidural under any circumstances. He refused to let anything happen until my mum was back in the room and could support him in allowing this to happen! I love him for having my back and trying to ensure my wishes were upheld but I was so tired! I hadn't anticipated labour was going to go this way so I had to accept I needed an epidural to avoid a cesarean section. Once my mum was back in the room we all agreed this was the best way forward.
Epidural in, and I was far more relaxed. Ready to get some sleep but did my midwife shut up? No! She was absolutely lovely and we had lovely chats but I just wanted to sleep! "Do you know what you're having?" A boy!
At 14.12 on the 27th April, I push my first human being out of my foof!! I hear a healthy scream reassuring me my 1st born child was healthy and safe. Then I hear the midwife say "erm you may want to have a look at this?" Shit. Does he have 2 heads? Does he have 3 eyes? Wait... is he ugly?!
I look down at my beautiful baby son, who has a vagina. Back the fuck up.... I have a baby with a vagina, I have a girl?! I have a daughter?! They place my beautiful healthy baby girl upon my chest, and my birthing partners fuck off down the other end of the room frantically calling everyone to tell them I had in fact given birth to a baby girl! So I am laid completely naked with a baby girl on my chest, in complete shock that I have just pushed a 8lb 7.5oz human out of my body and it was a girl not a boy!
I think the best reaction had to be that of my father-in-laws. At the time he was a lecturer, on this day he had told his students he was keeping his phone on the desk because he was expecting news of his 1st grandchild at any time that day. So Dan rings his dad... "Dad, Dad!! It's a girl!!!" To which his dad replies in front of his class "Fuck off!!" "Dad honestly you have a granddaughter!"
Most conversations to be fair, weren't to dissimilar to this one! But thank god for sister in laws! Aunty Jemma to the rescue, although she had bought a lot of blue outfits for her impending nephew, when she heard the news she took everything back to exchange it for pink so that her new niece had something to wear and wouldn't be mistaken for a boy!
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